I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
