ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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