i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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