So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
