all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i believe in u and ur pee
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