but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Houston, we have a blender
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
