HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
