Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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