I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
