He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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