piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
