a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
