I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
