Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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