i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
