woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think your dad took our porno
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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