Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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