i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
