is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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