I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
