I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
