I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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