You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
