Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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