I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
