so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
