Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
