He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
