just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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