I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
