she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
