she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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