Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
