She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
