"it" just moved
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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