You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
