I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
