she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
