Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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