I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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