Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
