Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
