How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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