I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Never underestimate the power of titties
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
