You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
