Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
