mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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