Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
