I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
