Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
