Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
