he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
