I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
