Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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