You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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