listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
