I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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