I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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