I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
