I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
