I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
