I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
soo... how was my night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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