When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
